Issue # 18

So no one's asking about it anymore

Hi Reader,

A woman in the community, I'll call her Renee, told me she realized last week that nobody had asked her about her GLP-1 journey in almost two months. Not her sister, not her coworkers, not the friend who used to text her progress-photo emojis every few weeks. At first that felt like relief. Then it felt like something closer to loss. If nobody was asking anymore, who was this for.

The Why

That question, who is this for, is the real work of this stage. Early on, a lot of what kept you going was other people's attention. Their surprise, their questions, their compliments. That fuel is real, and it works for a while. It also runs out, because people stop noticing new things the moment those things stop being new. What's left underneath it is the question of whether you have a reason of your own, one that doesn't depend on anyone else clocking the effort.

Researchers studying motivation call this the difference between commitment that's borrowed from other people's attention and commitment that's built on your own reasons. The borrowed kind fades fast once the audience does. The built kind doesn't, because you're the one supplying it.

A Way Forward

Pick one habit you've kept up with since this journey started, something you do consistently that nobody's tracking anymore. Finish this sentence about it, out loud if you can: "I keep doing this because ___, not because anyone's watching." Say it once. Then notice, the next time you're alone with the choice, whether it still holds true.

You don't need an audience for this to count. You never did.

If you want the fuller picture of why borrowed motivation fades and what actually replaces it, I wrote about it this week on Substack.

This newsletter is for educational purposes only. Nothing here constitutes medical or psychological advice, and reading it does not establish a professional relationship between us. If you're finding that you'd benefit from more personalized support, I encourage you to reach out to a licensed mental health professional. You deserve personalized care from someone who can truly know your situation.